Julie Taymor, director of Across the Universe, is attached to direct. Jim Sturgess and Evan Rachel Wood, the leading male and female parts in Across the Damn Universe are going to play Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, and Bono and the Edge, who wrote a large part of the music for ACROSS THE ARE YOU GETTING THE PICTURE YET UNIVERSE are writing all the music. Because when I think “Spider-Man”, I think “The Beatles”.

Not to mention the entire atrocity of putting Spider-Man, a character known for his ability to climb on walls, swing from webs, and do other things that are impossible for humans to do without superpowers or CGI, which you can’t use in live theater, into live theater. Spider-Man. SINGING AND DANCING. WITH A LITTLE HAT AND A CANE.

DAMN YOU, FOX, YOU MONEY-GRUBBING, AMORAL WHORES.